I Will Always Have Hope

But as for me, I will always have hope;

I will praise you more and more. Psalm 71:14

She’s not my Mother? Today and yesterday, both, Mom has not known who I am. Today, when I tried to explain to her that I was her daughter, she wanted to know who told me that and she looked at me with a look that seemed to convey such pity on me because I didn’t know who my Mother is.

I always call her Mom. How can she hear me call her Mom, look me in the eye and have absolutely no idea who I am or that I am her daughter! She tells me that she doesn’t live here – and she wants to go home. It’s becoming more difficult to communicate with her. I certainly can’t talk about family with her, nor can I talk about current events. She is somewhere else – in another time where I didn’t even exist.

She had a crying spell today that went on for about an hour and a half. I couldn’t talk her out of this one. Normally, I can talk to her about events surrounding the time in which her confusion is centered, but today she had no recall of any of the events she was trying to remember.

I miss my Mom! I feel her leaving with each passing day. If there were anything I could change, I would make this time in her life peaceful. She is so uncomfortable and so lost! I continue to pray that God will give her peace and comfort for the remainder of her life on earth. Even though that has not happened, I know that God is providing me with the strength I need to continue to care for her. God is good and I know that he hears my prayers and I also know that he is in control. I have to give it to Him because it is too much for me!

Sometimes it seems like my Mom has not had much peace in her lifetime. She has always cared for others without much thought to her own comfort. She married Daddy at age 17. The first six years of their marriage she suffered miscarriages and stillbirths for six separate pregnancies. That alone seems unbearable to me! The next six years she had five children! She always wanted to be a Mom and boy, did her dreams come true!

Mother always spoiled Daddy – he was her only baby for so long and she waited on him hand-and-foot! Even in his later years, Daddy wouldn’t even go to the refrigerator and make himself a sandwich if he got hungry! He worked every day and took care of the family – but the housework was definitely not his forte.

Mother worked most of my life. When we were young, she worked in a nursing home and one of the best things about her work was when she would take us up to the home to visit the residents. We loved it – and of course they did, too! Halloween was always fun! The residents always passed out candy to the kids! Until I was grown, I never knew that they probably enjoyed it as much as we did!

When we – the kids – were all between the ages of 10 and 16, Mom got pregnant again! I think she cried for four months! She was 39 and Daddy was 45. What a surprise Jimmy was – but a good surprise! Mother and Daddy loved him as much as they did the rest of us after the initial shock wore off! Us kids had great fun with him. My brothers were dating age and Jimmy was a great pick-up for the girls! He went on a few dates and had a lot of fun!

At the age of 40+ Mom took some classes at UCO (CSU then). She became a dietary supervisor for a man who owned seven nursing homes around the state. She had to travel on her job because she helped set up and maintain the dietary department at each of these nursing homes. She enjoyed the job and really had a good boss.

She worked hard all her life! The last five years of Daddy’s life, Mother rarely left his side. She took care of him during that time when he could no longer care for himself. She loved him dearly! Her love was never more evident than the last 24 hours of his life. He had been in the hospital for two weeks. He was intubated shortly after he entered the hospital on Thanksgiving Day in 1994. He was put on a ventilator for about three days and they expected him not to live once he was removed. He did live – for a few days. It was as if he hung on until he was able to see all of the kids and all of his brothers and in-laws!

During that last 24 hours, he asked Mom to sing to him. There were two songs he wanted and she sang them over and over to him, standing at the head of his bed, holding his hand. She didn’t leave his side for 20 hours – not even taking a bathroom break! Her singing relaxed him and I think he readied himself to die. After all that time, Mom had to take a short break and went to the waiting room. She was not gone long before he flat-lined. I was with him when he died and I’m thankful for that moment!

Mother’s life is not one that I would call peaceful, although I believe she loved her life and know that she loved her family.
She also taught Sunday School classes as long as I can remember. She taught the baby class at Choctaw for many years. She loved God and lived her life in service to Him.


The Lord gives strength to his people;

the Lord blesses his people with peace. Ps 29:11

O Lord, I pray that Mother can feel Your hand upon her and feel the peace that comes only from You, Lord and when it is time for her to leave this earth, I pray that she will have an easy passing and know how much she is loved!