Most days at our house, it’s quiet. Mom sleeps a lot, which leaves me a lot of time to study and lots of time to think. Thinking, for me, might be good or it might be bad! I guess it depends on the day.
Mom and I talk a lot about “old times” – especially since that’s where she seems to be, at least in her mind, most of the time now. I can’t imagine how sad it would be to learn daily about the deaths of your mother, your father, six of your brothers and other relatives. When Daddy died, I grieved for him. As time has passed, the grief becomes less and less. I still love him and miss him, but thinking about him doesn’t reduce me to tears as it did at first. Imagine, not a day goes by that Mother doesn’t grieve for everyone she’s lost, because – for her – she learns of their deaths each and every day! Sometimes I wonder how she can possible go on – it seems as if the constant feelings of sorrow and loneliness are so great that her life will surely end! I’ve always heard of people that died from “a broken heart”. I certainly understand how that could be possible.
I thank God for the strength he provides us to get through these times. How does an “unbeliever” get through the hard times in their lives? It must be a dreadfully lonely and desolate life!
Mother seems to be living in her state of confusion more and more. We no longer have a full day in which she remains in a “current” state of mine. Most days she knows who I am – at least for now. The times that she can’t recognize me happen more frequently. There are times when she no longer seems to know that she’s confused.
For the first time, the other night, she became angry in her confusion! Jody and I had gone to Lowe’s while Elizabeth sat with Mom. We left Jody’s cell phone in the truck when we went in the store and missed a call from Elizabeth. She said that probably five minutes after we left home, Mom became agitated – confused and crying. Elizabeth said she went from subject to subject – none of which made any sense. By the time I got back home, her main complaint was that someone had called the house from the funeral home saying they had her (Mom) there at the nursing home and they would not believe that she was not there! It’s hopeless to reason with her because she’s not making any sense in what she is saying, but also believes that what she’s saying is true! She was upset with me and wanted to know why I would move her in with me and then move away, leaving her behind. I tried to explain to her that I was not moving, and that I would be staying there with her. She then would ask why I had left that evening! During the day, she gets agitated if I leave the room she is in for very long. She doesn’t want to be left alone at all! She is never left alone – if I have to go somewhere, I always have someone else to sit with her that is able to help her with all of her needs, including personal care.
She doesn’t believe that she has been living here for over a month now. She thinks that she has been moved from place to place. She can’t remember who lives here in this house. When any of the kids come to visit, she doesn’t understand that they go to their own homes to sleep. Many mornings, she asks about Addyson, Joey and Levi – wanting to know where they are and why they aren’t here at the house. She can’t remember where her room is, even when she walks into the room. Seeing the room herself doesn’t help – she still can’t remember.
I am so thankful she’s home! I am truly blessed to be able to spend this time with her so closely. Even the tears – mine and hers – can't take away the joy I feel in this special time with her. These are times that I will never forget and never regret! Thank you God, for blessing me in this way!
The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. Ps 29:11
No comments:
Post a Comment